Chris Brown’s father: Good advice given badly

If you were Chris Brown, would you listen if your dad publicly blasted your relationship with Rihanna? Photo: Chris Brown ready to listen to his dad? AP photo

SALT LAKE CITY, April 30, 2013 — Did you see the latest Chris Brown headline in the New York Daily News? Apparently, in true parental fashion, Clinton Brown, Chris Brown’s father, has an opinion about Chris’s relationship with pop star Rihanna, and it’s not a good one.

Due to the infamous 2009 incident between the two lovebirds, Clinton, 48, confessed that “I personally really didn’t want him and Rihanna back together.” He went on to say that instead he could see his son with, “Jordin Sparks. She’s a wholesome young lady [and] very pretty.”

He’s not the first parent to give (unsolicited?) advice, but it’s an interesting story because, even for a celebrity, it’s such a personal conversation for a father to be having with his son in the media. Think of the last bit of advice your parents gave you. How would you feel if they delivered it by way of a newspaper headline?

“Karen, your fiancé is a deadbeat! Extra, extra, read all about it!” And not only you saw this, but all your friends, fans, co-workers, exes, got to see it, too. A real nightmare.

No doubt Clinton Brown’s advice was coming from a place of love, and you can read any news headline about Rihanna and Chris to see that he’s not the first to express this sentiment, but it highlights an important principle for anyone who is giving advice: how you say something, is almost as important as what you’re saying. Meaning, if you really want to be heard, the way you deliver your message is crucial.

There are a lot of ways to deliver information effectively, but we’d like to highlight just one today: do it privately. Delivering information “offline,” especially when there are no legal ramifications can really put people at ease.

In large groups or with an audience, we often feel the need to protect our egos and our reputations and in that protective mode anyone can be seen as a threat, even someone who is trying to help. So, further assist your friend, child or parents in receiving your advice by providing a private atmosphere in which they can hear it.

In private, we also feel free to share more about ourselves. We may accidentally judge a decision to be incorrect based on what we see, but speaking privately in a non-confrontational way allows two people to connect and for more knowledge to come to the surface. In this way, your advice may change to more aptly fit the situation and in turn you’re able to more completely help your loved one.

Perhaps daddy Clinton needed to do something drastic in order to get his son’s attention and to deliver his feelings about Chris and Rihanna via the public media was the only option he felt he had. In most scenarios, however, don’t pull a Clinton Brown. Help your friend or son or daughter receive your counsel by sharing it in private.

Readers: Has someone given you good advice in a bad way? How did you deal with it? 


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Angela Trusty

Angela Trusty brings her great life observations and advice Communities.  Angela also authors   ‘Ask Angela’ which also appears bi-monthly in the Deseret News. She is a graduate of Dartmouth College and the lucky sibling of 5 sisters and 1 brother.

She currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, but Baltimore will always be her home. 

 

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