Washington Redskins’ Robert Griffin III is secretly Tony Stark, the Iron Man

A young, handsome millionaire with superpowers like nobody has ever seen? Photo: Associated Press

CHICAGO, September 16, 2012 — When RGIII (aka Robert Griffin III) was just entering college, he had promise to be sure, but no one really knew what to expect. He had other worldly raw physical tools, but as Ryan Tannehill will tell you, that doesn’t always equate to solid quarterbacking skills.

He started to tear up the collegiate level, but soon, his Achilles’ heel was exposed and ripped to shreds.

It was his Achilles tendon, right above his heel.

His injury sidelined him for his sophomore campaign in 2009. Things weren’t looking good for our hero, but wait, he returned, and even better! Like Tony Stark solving the icing problem in the recent Iron Man movie, RGIII came back with a vengeance in his redshirt sophomore season, leading Baylor to its first winning record in his tenure.

But then, all hell broke loose, and RGIII emerged as the nation’s finest collegiate quarterback, winning the Heisman Trophy. Meanwhile, on screen Tony Stark emerged as the supercool billionaire philanthropist. These developments lead to both figures becoming surreal in their own times.

Now that you see the shocking similarity, you must be wondering “Wow, how is such parallel universes possible?” Here’s how: They’re the same person.

Remember when Nick Fury let Iron Man join the Avengers after doing all of that awesome earth-saving stuff on his own? As soon as RGIII saved the Baylor football program, Roger Goodell invited him to attend the NFL draft, assuredly to be one of the top two picks. Iron Man wasn’t the first choice to be in the Avengers, and yet there he was, hogging the screen more than anyone else when the film finally came out.

RGIII wasn’t the first choice to enter the NFL that year either. Yet one single week into the season and here we are discussing the coming of the next great field general. Remember that guy named Luck? That’s okay, no one else does at the moment.

Robert Griffin III, an All-American track athlete who’s even better at football, who waltzes into one of the most tragic franchises in sports in recent history and beats one of the best teams in football in their own building, and is the first quarterback to win Offensive Player of the Week after his debut game.

Does that not sound like a superhero movie?

He even has toys that are almost as cool as Stark’s. Stark has a fleet of expensive luxury cars, while RGIII has legs that produce speed that is somewhere around that of a cheetah (almost). Stark has a metal suit in which he can fly all over the world; RGIII has an arm that can throw a football on Sunday and have it land on Saturday (almost). Stark is a notorious playboy, but RGIII proposed to his girlfriend with a song he wrote for her (no, really).

They’re the same person.

When anyone in the world needs help, Iron Man would save the day, and when the Washington Redskins needed help as badly as anyone in the league, Griffin was there to step in and be the guy that lead them from perennial basement dwellers in their division to potential contenders, capable of ousting Drew Brees in his own building.

So when everyone was wondering why Mike Shanahan would trade an arm, leg and lung away for the right to draft this guy, it’s obvious that they didn’t get it.

This kid is that good. Wouldn’t you want Iron Man on your team?

To contact Nick Goralka, see above to send him an e-mail containing a question, comment, or scathing insult. His work appears in Alley-oops for Touchdowns! and That Liberal Pinko in the Communities at the Washington Times Online.

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ WashingtonTimes.com. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

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Nicholas Goralka

Nick Goralka is a sports enthusiast with eclectic interests. In addition to cheering on and suffering along with his Chicago teams, Nick is a competitively-ranked tennis player, enjoys debating real versus imaginary numbers in mathematical functions, and is a trumpet soloist in his Jazz ensemble which has performed throughout Chicago and for Mayor Rahm Emmanuel and Vice President Joe Biden at a recent charity fundraiser.  

Nick is still in high school, steadily working his way through his Statistics class, and learning more and more every day about analyzing the sports that he loves.

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