CHARLOTTE, September 4, 2012 — Liberals are breathlessly awaiting President Obama’s renomination speech. Conservatives do not need to wait because we have heard it already. In fact, we could write it for him. The man the left finds so exciting due to a mixed melanin content is actually boring and predictable.
Live from Bank of America Stadium, home of the Carolina Panthers, here is the 2012 speech of a lifetime until Obama’s next one ten minutes after that.
“This is not about me.” (Followed by narcissism and self-pity including multiple uses of the word “I.”)
“This is not personal.” (While he and his surrogates call Romney a felon and a murderer.)
“This is not about assigning blame.” (His whole presidency is about that.)
“Fairness.” (Redistribution and job-killing policies)
“I inherited the greatest mess since the Great Depression.” (He begged for the job. He can quit any time he likes.)
“We are moving in the right direction, but more progress is needed.” (Meaningless platitude not supported by evidence)
“We must invest in education and green technology.” (Corrupt teachers unions,
Solyndra, the war on oil and coal.)
“We need to help Main Street, not crony capitalist fat cats on Wall Street.” (Jon Corzine, Chris Dodd)
“We must move forward, not backward.” (Meaningless slogan)
“We have to reduce burdensome regulations but in a smart way.” (Another platitude from the King of Obamacare and Dodd-Frank)
“We cannot go back to the failed policies of the past like trickle-down economics.” (42 months of over 8 percent unemployment.)
“They care about my birth certificate.” (No, he loves that issue because it distracts from his record.)
“Yes we can, and yes we did.” (Did what?)
“Romney can’t relate to regular people because he has never been one.” (Regular guys work for a living and have a record of gainful employment.)
“I caught Osama bin Laden.” (Using Bush interrogation methods. Obama’s bragging got SEAL Team 6 members killed.)
“I saved General Motors.” (No, the company is in shambles and the taxpayers have not been paid back.)
“Don’t be fooled by distractions.” (Like Saul Alinsky tactics meant to hide a failed record.)
“We need to innovate. We need to incentivize. We need to get back to our values. We need to help the middle class. We need to come together.” (Buzzword Bingo while he rips the nation asunder, stifles innovation, cripples small businesses, and lets the Bush tax cuts expire for the “rich.” They will tighten their belts and the middle class will get further squeezed.)
There will be gratuitous remarks about how Shirley Sherrod, Trayvon Martin, women in back allies, Matthew Shephard, James Byrd, and others were victims of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan’s supply-side tax cut proposals.
Obama will offer everything except the truth: He has failed, and all he has left is the ability to try and strip Republicans and conservatives of their last ounce of humanity. If he can convince just enough people that Republicans are evil, he can eke out reelection. That is his version of uniting America.
Enjoy his speech. The people who hate Romney’s guts have already enjoyed it without needing to see or hear it. They know what he is going to say.
We all do.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS
Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at TYGRRRR EXPRESS
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